Being deaf is tough. I struggled with it everyday and I am so tired of it. No matter how hard I tried, none of my hard work being recognized out there in the world.
I still fought.
Over 20 years has passed, I can see my list of hope, goal, etc. Not one of them have came true. What does it mean? Yes, I felt betrayed by God. My list is worthless.
Many people have different opinion on God... There is God... There is no God... There is heaven... There is no heaven... on and on and on....
One said God is con man.... how interesting.... other said God is trickster... Mmmmm... So many varieties by different cultures and beliefs...
Who is God to me? I don't know. Why did he make me a deaf person? I don't know. I will never know if that is his plan or a mean trick.
I kept telling myself. Why am I here for if there is no plan for me to live for? I do not accept being alive here for none. It isn't very nice to have my promise being broken. I even noticed why some people who are "bad" got the chances, not me? It isn't right either nor fair.
Basically, this is hell battle to fight against. None of my prayers over the years work at all. That leaves me the possible question... Is there no God? If there is God then he should have answered.
I feel shamed to have that kind of God if he ever does existed.
